How to become a nerd...

Middle school for me happened when I was 5th standard. Few things changed completely in my life. I kind of became a different person then. I use to be a pretty energetic and normal kid up till then; I guess until 7th was really tough times because I was still struggling to come to terms with who I was and what I wanted. When I came to 8th standard, our school made one change; they split the class into 2 sections. This is when I kind of went separate ways with the few long time school friends I had. Here I became close with two new kids. We would share the same desk. I really don’t know how, but they somehow assumed that I was the smart one of the three; when I say smart I mean studious one. I never thought about contradicting them somehow, so I became the certified “desk” nerd from that time. My sisters used to be in the same school as me; and yes, unlike me they were pretty popular in school. They were the class toppers, school rep for functions and all that type. So I guess I assumed some tag is better then none.
I never really cared much about school grading system or scores etc. But my report card would make my mom react in strange ways; usually in not so nice ways.
But with my new acquired title of desk nerd I had the responsibility of holding the baton and making sure the reputation of the desk wasn’t let down. So I kind of started making sure I got reasonably good grades. My mom kind of stopped going ballistic whenever she saw my report card, so I guess it wasn’t so bad being a nerd. Then things let from this to that and I guess I became from desk to something of the class nerd.
9th standard again my principle made me change my section; I stopped sharing the same desk with my 2 friends, and gradually we became distant.
Things kind of changed completely after this. Up till 8th boys were made to wear shorts. 9th I guess the school authority somehow assumed was the right age for boys to turn to men. So we started wearing full-pants, we were the big boys in school.
I guess around these time things were changing for my classmates as well. The boy somehow seemed to be suddenly more interested in the girls and the girls were a little gigglier then before.
Around the same time was when I found one of my passions, Bruce Wayne. I so badly wanted to be Bruce Wayne, I so worshipped him. All my daytime dreams, escapades as Bruce Wayne I’ll post another time.

will she ever see me...

Last few weeks I’ve gotten back in touch with a couple of my old guy friends from college; all nice sincere folks who’ve pretty much had the same lame life as me till date. Pretty much the same kind of problems and issues seem to plague these folks as well. And one of the serious questions that seems to be worrying most of them is why girls don’t take them seriously? Ok more specifically, why don’t “The Girl” they want take them seriously?

Not really sure if this is a universal problem or just a problem amongst a bunch of “quarter life crisis” ‘ed techies.

Things seems to have gone as per plan so far, most of these folks have pretty much had it easy work-wise with things coming by without much of a fight. And until recently life seems to have been going pretty well off-work as well; then boom you see her. Not as much as see her, but you feel her presence around you. This is when things seem to go haywire; you suddenly start searching her face in every new person you meet.

You’ve never really truly cared much about how people around you feel about you; well it’s always nice if they like you, but you’ve never ever had to put in any form of serious effort onto it. Now you see her, you suddenly want to put in all sort of that extra effort and even don’t mind the occasional egg on the face routine once in a while. But in-spite of all these extra effort you put in, this one person never seems to notice or seems to care.

Maybe this is the problem; maybe we just need to be ourselves. But whilst one’s under this magical presence 24/7 it’s really pretty hard to be your own normal self.

I guess deep down we all do know it’s truly impossible to force someone to like you. But we all live under the illusionary pretense of hope. And when this hope is as pretty as her, we all will keep trying.

life or something like it...

It fluctuates between the absolute high and the depressing lows. There’s very little in between. As we let time pass, knowing that so many things can happen if we just push it a little harder, maybe give few things a chance. But that’s life and all its little complexities. You seldom actually take charge of things. “Go with the flow, swim when the tide’s high and duck when you see a branch.”
But then sometime you do look longingly at that far-off island where the water seems so much nicer, it’s a tad bit sunnier, and where the flowers and birds seem somehow slightly more colorful and prettier.
But maybe in between all these you tend to forget you already might be in your own personal heaven.
You are just not appreciating it enough.